Dear Jackson,

June 17, 2011

Sleep, or lack thereof

Filed under: 1 year-old - 2 years-old — Tags: , , — aJOHNymous @ 2:36 pm

This coming Monday—three days from today—marks the point in your Mom’s current pregnancy that she was at two years ago when she had to undergo an emergency c-section to give birth to you. It’s almost two years to the day. Eerie. That said, come Tuesday morning, we’re in uncharted territory. Your sibling will officially have been inside the womb longer than you were. We’re both hoping this one goes the full term and she can deliver naturally on or around the actual due date of July 30. My God, that’s only six weeks from today. It’s crazy how quickly time moves sometimes.

Thankfully, we were able to complete your sibling’s room setup so that we have everything ready to go when he/she arrives and we aren’t scrambling to paint and set everything a day before the birth, like we were with you (though we had no idea what we were in for only 24 hours later). It’s a little cramped in the room, but it should be fine for the next year or two. Eventually, he/she will outgrow the crib and we’ll have to get a bed, like we did with you, and then we’re going to be in serious trouble with the lack of space. But we’ll cross that bridge in a few years, I guess.

I guess I should probably give an update on your progress (ha!) toward getting acclimated to your big boy bed. I’ll give you this: the first week or two was awesome. We had zero issues and you got used to it the first night. Then you realized that you get off the bed and EVERYTHING changed. We’ve spent the last two weeks trying our damndest to get you to stay in bed at night and nothing seems to be working. It’s become a game to you. You climb off the bed, climb back on, and then repeat this so much that we’ve lost count. If one of us steps near you as you’re about to climb off, you scurry back up. Then as soon as we go to sit back down, you make another escape attempt. It’s pretty ridiculous. When you do eventually succumb to sleep—which took two hours of this game last night—there’s no guarantee that you’ll sleep through the night. Pretty much every night you’ll get up two or three times and run into our room and we’ll have to spend up to two hours sitting next you before you’ll fall back asleep. Suffice to say, sleep has been incredibly hard for us to come by lately. I won’t lie: it’s incredibly frustrating for us. I don’t mind sitting in your room and waiting for you to sleep after we put you into bed at 7, but that’s only because I can listen to music, read, or watch movies on my phone and iPod. No, I take that back; I do mind. We shouldn’t have to do that. And we really shouldn’t have to be getting up at all hours of the night because our 2-year old doesn’t feel like sleeping. I’d have to say that this has become more difficult to deal with than having to get up and feed a newborn in the middle of the night. I just hope you grow out of this phase quickly or we’re all going to lose our minds when the baby comes.

It sure does feel good to vent, I’ll say that much. Lack of sleep has really been affecting me, though. My workouts are almost nonexistent now because I have almost no energy at night or in the mornings to do them. I’m still sticking to my diet but I seem to be stuck at about 180 pounds because I’m not able to workout like I want to. That lack of energy also seeps into my work life in that I have very little motivation to work hard at the moment. In fact, I’m typing this letter on my work computer at 1:45 in the afternoon. I should be working, but I’m lacking focus at the moment. The fact that it’s Friday and I’m ready to run out of here doesn’t help much, either. Lack of sleep equals lack of focus. And right now, I’m tired and unfocused. It’s taken me several yawns and several minutes just to get through this paragraph.

And you can pretty much forget about me working through any of my unfinished screenplays. I just can’t muster the motivation to get back into the mindset that each story requires. That really bums me out because I had a few pretty good ones in development too. Perhaps I’ll be able to get back into the flow of things once you get over this aversion to sleep that you’ve developed. I really hope so because I miss being creative and I miss the writing.

It’s 2:08 now. Time. Is. Moving. So. Slowly.

I think I’ll play around on my iPod for a bit. I don’t have anything really pressing to finish today so I’m prepared to just check out for the rest of the afternoon. I’ll keep a bunch of spreadsheet open in case anyone walks behind my desk. Gotta’ keep up appearances, right?

I can’t remember if I’ve included this dialogue exchange from the movie “Office Space” in a past letter or not, so please forgive me if I have. Regardless, it’s completely relevant to my attitude on this particular Friday afternoon.

Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy; it’s that I just don’t care.
Bob Porter: Don’t… don’t care?
Peter Gibbons: It’s a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don’t see another dime, so where’s the motivation? And here’s something else, Bob: I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob Slydell: I beg your pardon?
Peter Gibbons: Eight bosses.
Bob Slydell: Eight?
Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. My only real motivation is not to be hassled. That and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob; that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.

Honestly, this movie feels more and more like a documentary with each passing day. Now that’s a depressing thought. Jesus, I need some sleep.

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