Dear Jackson,

May 10, 2010

Busy, busy, busy

Filed under: Birth to 1 year-old, Uncategorized — Tags: , , — aJOHNymous @ 1:07 pm

The past few days have been pretty crazy for all of us.

You started crawling a few days ago. It only took 10 months and 1 day, but you finally figured it out. Watching you scoot around the floor to get at whatever it is you’re trying to get at it is really amazing. Just a week ago you would flop over onto your stomach and somehow manage to push yourself backward. Of course, this would frustrate you and you’d start freaking out. Now you head straight for your hands and knees and go forward. It’s amazing how quickly these things can change. Pretty soon, we’re going to have to start baby proofing the house. I can’t even begin to imagine the stuff you’re going to be knocking over and crawling into. I’m just happy that you can finally get around on your own.

I should add that you also love standing. If you aren’t trying to crawl around the floor, you’re hell-bent on pulling yourself to a standing position. No matter where you are—even the bathtub. You’re getting pretty ballsy about it too. You still need to hold onto stuff while you’re standing, but you’re able to keep your balance enough to bend over and pick things up or to move forward and back up. Pretty soon, you’re just going to let go and take those first few steps. That’s going to be a scary day. That’s when we’ll really have to keep an eye on you.

One day after you started crawling, on Saturday, May 8, I turned 27 years old. I suppose I should thank you for such a great birthday present. When you get to be mid- to late-twenties in age, material things don’t really matter as much as they once used to. Simply being able to see you start crawling was really all I needed and it truly made my day. We were able to bring you down by my parents and spend the day with them in New Munster. The weather could have been better, but at least I got to spend the day with my family. My mom put some ribs on the grill and we had cheesecake and ice cream for dessert. You seemed to enjoy the BBQ ribs, but after a few bites of ice cream, you were more interested in eating the cheesecake. I think ice cream is a little too cold for you right now.

The following day we took you to brunch with your mom’s parents and Grandma to celebrate Mother’s Day. You had some scrambled eggs, pancakes, and a few bites of a grilled cheese sandwich. We then went back home and spent the afternoon watching you crawling around after your nap. Your mom’s parent came by to watch you during the late afternoon so that your mom and I could go usher in the summer movie season with a viewing of Iron Man 2.

Busy weekend, no doubt.

This coming weekend will have us bringing you to see your second Brewers game at Miller Park on Saturday. This was one of my birthday presents and I’m really looking forward to it. The day before that will see me leaving from work early so that I can begin work on a tattoo that I’m dedicating to our family. I’m finally getting right arm sleeved and I’m quite sure that I found the best way to artistically represent you, me, and your mother without having to resort to portraits. I hope you grow up liking it because it already means a lot to me (and it isn’t even on my arm yet).

I should also mention that within 24 hours of actually writing this letter, I’m going to be sitting in a therapist’s office for the first time since I was a child (that’s another story you’ll have to ask me about one day). I’m hoping to work through all of the issues that I’ve already opened up to you about in these letters. These are the same issues that have led to my current bouts with depression and anxiety. I’m mostly doing this for you and your mom, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to fix myself for selfish reasons as well. I’ve got a lot of shit to work through and I really hope talking to a professional about everything is the catalyst that I’ve been so desperately looking for. Something needs to change and I’m really going to give this everything I have. I’m just really scared and nervous about actually verbalizing everything that goes through my head everyday. I just don’t even know where to start. I’m also scared about what I find about myself in the process. I’ve got some demons deep down that I fear I may not even know about.

Wish me luck, kiddo.

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