Dear Jackson,

April 9, 2010

Enter the Procrastinator

Filed under: Birth to 1 year-old, Life lessons — Tags: , — aJOHNymous @ 10:02 am

The first quarter of 2010 is almost over and I am really starting to fall behind on my resolutions for the year. Let’s review my progress, shall we?

1. Write more. [PASS]
– I started two new screenplays and am developing ideas for a third

2. Learn to play the guitar. [FAIL]
– I haven’t even pulled mu guitar from its case

3. Work out, eat healthy, and take better care of myself. [INCOMPLETE]
– I get on the elliptical 2-3 times a week
– I am struggling to maintain good eating habits
– I have only lifted weights 2 or 3 times this quarter

4. Write more. [PASS]

5. Talk to a therapist about my many issues. [FAIL]
– I have one picked out, now it’s just a matter of squaring away insurance coverage and calling to set up an appointment

6. Be a better son, husband, and father. [INCOMPLETE]
– I’m still very internal with my emotions and have had a few too many arguments with your mom
– I am trying to be the best father that I can be and am having fun in the process
– I have yet to really open up to my parents about all of my personal issues

7. Write more. [PASS]

8. Be happier. [FAIL]
– I still find myself to be a very negative person with the same fears that I’ve always had
– I have not yet met with a therapist to discuss working on these issues

9. Turn a hobby into some sort of an income. [FAIL]
– I haven’t even thought about this since I added it to my list of resolutions

10. Slow down. [INCOMPLETE]
– I’m trying to slow down and enjoy the ride, but at times, my negativity directly affects how quickly I hope each day will pass

It seems as if I’m just continuing to make the same mistakes and live the same life I was living for the past few years. I still haven’t been able to man up and make the decisions that will ultimately better me as a human being. I keep putting off many of these out of sheer laziness. I’ve got to figure out a way to stay motivated. Along with finding motivation, I need to find the courage to ultimately make many of these decisions. I’ve just become too attached to my current routine that I fear changing it.

Hey, there’s that word again: FEAR.

I have got to break this cycle. You’re getting to be that age where my actions are going to start having an impact on your understanding of the world. I need to be able to use these letters to you as a window into the past of a man that you’ve never met before. You deserve better than the man that I am today. Perhaps that can be my motivation.

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